So obviously I slacked on my 30 day blog challenge. Writing a blog ended up causing me way more drama than I had ever anticipated. There are some things I expected from writing a blog. Gratitude from those people who have been wondering what has been happening in my life and finally have a way of knowing? Yes. Admiration for my ability to write and express myself? Yes (and I realize that sounds a little shallow...but what everyone else needs to realize is I already know that. I like to call it sarcasm.) But did I ever expect drama over the things or the people that I do or don't talk about in my blog? No. I can't say I ever saw that one coming.
Well, after the first few weeks of blogging I decided it was causing me more stress than enjoyment and gave it up, but now I'm really just to the point that I don't care anymore. I started to notice that some people actually did care what I was doing, and they actually noticed when I stopped blogging. I have one friend who I guess you could say I've fallen out of touch with. Don't get me wrong I still love the girl to death but over the past couple years we haven't been very good at communicating. Anyways, the girl actually called me to make sure I was ok because she got worried when I hadn't blogged in a week!
I realize it sounds stupid, but that's what I needed to hear. I know there aren't a lot of people who read my blog, and I really don't care about that. What I do care about, is that there was somebody reading my blog who cared more about me than about what I was writing in it.
My brother started writing a blog a few weeks ago, and at the end of his first post he apologized to his family because "we don't really know him." That reminded me of the reason I started writing in the first place. There aren't a lot of people that I would say REALLY know me. Sure, there are lots of people who think they do, but the sad truth is I've become a way better actor over the years then you'd think.
Some people would say I'm conceited, because heaven forbid I like to talk about myself. But to be honest, most of the things I say that sound conceited are said by a girl who is just trying to convince herself that maybe some of those things are true.
Some people would tell you I'm over-the-top competitive, and I'll admit that I do like to compete, but what they don't know is that the reason I'm always pushing myself so hard is because if I push hard enough sometimes the physical pain it causes me is enough to take my mind off of the pain and the guilt I'm already feeling. Guilt over things I've done, guilt over the things I wasn't brave enough to do.
Anyways, you're probably wondering where I'm going with this, and I swear it does have a point. The point is that I wanted to thank those people who have taken the time and the effort to get to know me. I realize that sometimes the reason people don't get to know me is because I don't let them in, but most of the time the reason people don't know me is because they don't try very hard.
So thanks to those people who have made it a priority to get to know me. Thanks to the people who call, text, or talk to me because they are honestly interested in how I am and what I'm doing. Thanks to those people who will instigate a conversation, instead of waiting for me to do it all the time. Thanks to the people who notice when I'm down and who care enough to ask why. Christmas is the season of giving, and those people have given me more than I ever even wished for.
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