Our Deepest Fear

There are certain things in life that nobody likes doing. For example, using public restrooms (especially at gas stations).  I can't name the fear I have felt since I was a small child, walking into those gas station bathrooms. How was I ever supposed to use the bathroom in a place where I was afraid to even touch the door to push it open? 

Then I grew up...and my fears became even worse than they had been when I was little. How much of a difference do those little "sanitary" seat covers really make? Was it possible to contract some sort of STD from a toilet seat? 

I guess you could say I was afraid. 

A couple months ago, I was on my way home from Oregon with some friends, and for the most part the ride was pretty ordinary, except for that the weather was bad so it made the traveling a little slow. The two girls in the back seat both have a hard time sitting still for long periods of time so they were busy sticking their bare feet out the window and seeing who could stand the ice cold wind and rain the longest.

I, on the other hand, was trying to keep our driver entertained so she wouldn't get too stressed out or tired after driving for such a long period of time. How did I accomplish this? I decided we should play 20 questions.  The rules of this game were simple. We each had 20 questions to ask to get to know the other person better, and no matter how bad we hated the questions we had to answer them honestly. 

Things went along pretty normally for about the first five or six questions. What's your favorite food...Do you have a crush on anybody right now...Where do you see yourself in five years...? Then the game took an unanticipated turn. She sat there thinking for a second about which question she wanted to ask, and then she asked me, "What's the most scared you have ever been?"

Sheesh. I don't know? I get scared watching previews on TV sometimes, does that count?  I probably mumbled out some half-hearted, awkward answer to her question, but it's stuck with me since that night.

What am I the most scared of? Sharks, bears, snakes, satan...the list could go on for quite a while I'm sure. And then it came to me as I was watching Coach Carter the other day. The thing I'm the most scared of is...potential. MY potential.

As humans we have a tendency to find the "happy medium" and settle down there. I remember once in health class Mrs. Paskins was asking questions that we HAD to answer yes or no to. She didn't allow fence-sitters. But isn't that what we all do?

"I could go exercise, but I think I'd rather stay here and eat another cookie." "I could study more for that test tomorrow, but i think I'd rather go to the hot tub instead." We are afraid to reach our highest potential, and since we aren't that close to hitting rock bottom we find a comfortable looking place on the fence and settle down. We don't like moving from that spot. Any movement in either direction and a stray sliver of wood could get lodged into our tender bums.

We like to be achievers, but only within our own comfort zone. But WHY do we do it? Because reaching our potential is hard. That's it. It takes effort, and sacrifice, and prioritizing...and sometimes in order to get there, we have to change things. 

There have been times in my life when people have asked me what I'm majoring in, and when I tell them I'm going to be a nurse the usual response is, "Why would you be a nurse? You're smart enough to be a physicians assistant or a doctor!" Don't get me wrong I'm not dissing on nurses. That would be silly considering I'm going to be one someday. But my usual response to these people is something along the lines of, "Are you nuts? That would be way too hard. Way too much school involved."

How many times do I do this in everyday life? "I could help that person who just dropped their stuff all over the floor, but then I'd have to get up from my seat and that's too hard." Are you kidding me?

I've come up with a new goal for myself. I want to reach my potential. I realize that doing that is going to take a lot of work, and a lot of things in my life are going to have to change, but I'm done being the one who will never accomplish anything great because I was too lazy or scared to pick my butt up off the fence. We only get one shot at this life. There are no ties in this game we call life. You either win, or you miss it completely. And in every great game I have ever seen, NOBODY has ever won by sitting it out. Your call.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”  - Marianne Williamson